LIFE UPDATE 6: Sepsis.

I’m done. I can’t cope anymore. I’m not strong or brave, I’m the weakest person I know and this past week has proved that. I put on a brave face each day and I’ve run out of ‘brave faces’.

I’m currently a week into a hospital admission due to Sepsis, which was found to be in my Hickman line (central line in my chest that all of my meds are put through. I am still currently waiting for that infected line to be removed, so I can have a course of antibiotics with a CVC line (central line in my neck) and a new long-term line refitted when my body is free of infection.

I came in acutely unwell with a temperature of 40.6 degrees celsius and that in itself made me a bit delirious for a few days, but we were all relieved that my COVID-19 swabs came back negative, so Coronavirus was not the issue.

They took blood cultures and grew a whole list of infective bugs from my line. “It’s life threatening to leave it in”, “each time it’s used it could infect your heart and kill you”, “this is more serious than you realise Katie, there’s a 20 – 25% chance that this will kill you if we don’t remove it quickly”.

Despite wanting to do anything and everything possible to save the line, it seemed that I had no choice but to remove it….

….we are now a week on, and each day they’ve cancelled it late in the evening. It makes me question how serious this really is.

There will be people who think I’m being dramatic, rude, selfish etc. but I’m sure that those who think that are the ones who’ve never experienced it for themselves. I’ve been nil by mouth for 4 days now. 4 DAYS. But they just don’t care.

The worst part is, I’m not allowed any visitors and I’m so homesick. I have no possessions with me; just what I went in the ambulance with. I’m in a bay with 4 other patients, yet the nurses can’t find 5 minutes out of their day to come and talk to me, yet treat everyone else with optimum care. It’s lonely and it’s horrible.

An added complication is the line tore slightly today when I was hallucinating. For those of you who know my previous history, know that I’m Cyclizine Dependant, and whilst waiting for my dose today, I tried to get out of bed (which I only do when I’m confused), and it pulled on the line. Now I’m being accused of purposely breaking it (which isn’t true at all), but I’m being treated as if I’m an attention seeker & ex-drug addict.

I just want this over with. I just need them to remove this line because it’s holding up the process of going home and I can’t stay in this hospital for much longer. I can’t cope for much longer and I’m causing problems everywhere.

I’m sorry for the negative post, but I’m broken physically and mentally, and really am struggling through this time in hospital on my own.

On a slightly different note, I’ve had no Easter Competition entries at all, and it seems that people aren’t interested in taking part in either Bravery Bottles or any of the other things I put my time and effort into organising SO, I’ll keep this open until I’m home to keep my family – mainly – updated, and then I think the project has had it’s time. I will write a post to follow before that happens.

3 replies to “LIFE UPDATE 6: Sepsis.

  1. Ps Katie, I joined your bottle idea as soon as I found you on fb and followed you here. So when you are home and feeling better ( these infections in your line have probably been brewing for a while: bringing you down) YES please to my first bottle!
    Keep going! I also just “met” you recently, and sending you my best from the sidelines!
    Love Sally xxx

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  2. Oh Kati what a horrible awful time you’re having. I’m so so sorry and four long days waiting must seem like a lifetime to you . I and my carer and daughter are all battling to do your quiz, please don’t think no one is interested! You haven’t made it that easy you know. We have had quite a lot of brain wracking here I must say! We have done most and just a few more to go! I pick it up every day but I do have visual difficulties and it’s printed a bit blurry which really didn’t help! Blooming printer! It’s also quite feint, I think I need more ink! Well, we are in lockdown and I’ve never gone so long without seeing all my family which is hard, and yet my ptsd has improved during this rotten time. I suppose that’s because there’s NO risk of the triggers seeing as indoors is safe. Today I started to read a little book called if you’re freaking out, read this! I saw it on amazon and it is quite frank with swear words etc do I figured it might help me, and my daughter has shown an interest in reading it too…. bonus as she has mh issues but will not see anyone or speak about things with anyone. It’s an added burden on my own mh.
    Anyway, I used to be a nurse. It’s v hard sometimes but I used to really enjoy the few times where there was a little time to actually chat to patients. It’s so sad that you feel so alone and unsupported. I think it may be good to open up and ask if someone can spare ten minutes to talk to you. Sometimes in times of worry and stress to forget how vulnerable patients feel. I do think as well with all the cancellations of line removal , you have a right to ask what your risks are by leaving it in for yet another day? I sincerely hope they aren’t using it for your meds in the meanwhile? I take it you have a second line, I think I read that you have. Do you have a temperature or other signs of sepsis? Perhaps you might ask a dr to come and speak up you. I’d calmly say that you are getting really anxious about things, that your mh is going a bit more haywire, as you recognise this. It cannot be good to elongate your stay given yo COVID risk of course. It must be a very good reason why they have cancelled you each day? Ask why? At least that you can think about and comprehend…..it may we’ll be in your best interest? You don’t know until you ask. It should be that someone can bring you some personal bits??? At least ask for paper and pens so you can write your frustrations rather than have them circling in your head? It may seem like others are getting better treatment than you…. that may be a bit of a distorted view? Nurses really try hard for all patients I promise you. Perhaps tell them gently that’s your perception and perhaps it is due to your mh, mindset or confusion due to infection. Either way, that should highlight the issue to them. Honesty is always the best policy if you can keep a temper!
    You’re a lovely person, caring and thoughtful…. I know that as you do these lovely things for people. Knowing you aren’t well yourself, maybe some don’t want you to burden yourself at such a time? We all care about each other: and that includes you too of course!
    I really hope that after you wrote this mail, you got your line out and feel better quite rapidly! I will try my best to keep an eye on this and write again. Please remember, you’re not truly alone…. this is a very awful and strange time of rules and terror that no one ever expected. I’ll be thinking of you and hoping the very best for you. Lots of love x and thoughts …. Sally Clare x

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  3. Katie my lovely I had no idea and cannot bear that you are having such a bad time. Bravery should be your middle name. How dare they treat you like this? To feel useless is awful but you are not. Don’t worry about Bravery bottles etc. Get yourself helped asap as you matter to so many people xx God bless and anything to help you, just contact XxxxxX

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